Body Language and Non Verbal Communication

I’ve been on many training and development courses, locally in the North East and throughout the country where the coach has been wearing sunglasses (expecially sports coaches).  I know the importance of protecting my eyes from the harmful effects of bright sunlight, and I know how ‘in the dark’ not being able to see your coaches eyes can leave a student and how easily something as simple a wearing sunglasses can limit your ability to communicate effectively.  So when I coach I constantly monitor the non-verbal communication taking place.

One of my favourite comedians demonstrates the importance of body language and non-verbal communication here.

And many of these signals and movements occur at a level below our conscious awareness.  Even the tiniest eye twitch, narrowing, widening or other micro-muscle movement contributes to the meaning of your communication.  So next time you’re coaching, remember where your eyebrows are!

For training on how to use NLP and effective communication in your coaching contact Kim.

Email – kim@performingexcellence.co.uk

Introduction

The 4MAT system allows you to easily meet the learning styles of those you are communicating with.  Many people find it useful because it is an easy structure you can incorporate into all of your presentations.  One reason for doing this is to allow you to keep your audience engaged and make your communication even more effective.  This article will explain what the simple steps are so you can use them straight away whenever you present.  I’ll explain how to use the system with practical examples.  And if you do you’ll be amazed at the effect it has on your presentations and your audience – and you won’t have to worry about meeting the needs of people with different learning styles anymore as the system incorporates these for you.

The 4MAT System and Learning Styles

The 4MAT System comes from a study of learning styles by Bernice McCarthy.  She noticed that people with different learning styles learnt by asking particular questions.

Some people asked Why? Why are we doing this, why should I participate?

Some people wanted facts – they wanted information – and asked the ‘What’ question.  What are we going to do?  What’s happening?  What’s this for?

Others were interested in asking ‘How?’ How does this happen?  How does this work?

The last group wanted to explore future consequences, and asked What If? What would happen if I did this?  What would happen if I did it that way?

There is clearly a relationship between these 4MAT categories and Jung’s psychological types, Kolb’s learning styles and the work of Honey and Mumford.  These links are shown here-

So how can public speakers, trainers and presenters use this?  When speaking, we can build the answers to the 4MAT question categories into our presentations to ensure we meet the needs of all of our audience and therefore all the learning styles.  Here’s one way of doing this when you speak-

1. Start by answering the question ‘Why?’, because until you give reasons answering the question “Why should I bother learning this?” the Why groups won’t engage in the learning.  Until this question is fully answered, Reflectors won’t be ready to participate further.
2. Then give the ‘What?’ information.  Let the What group know there’ll be plenty of action.  This group will also be satisfied by an activity – they’re Activist so let them loose.
3. Thirdly, answer the ‘How?’ question and let the How group experiment with the content of the session.  Pragmatists want to know how they will use the skill in a range of practical situations.
4. Finally, answer the ‘What if?’ question by putting the skill in context.  You can also engage the What ifs by inviting questions – “What did you discover?  What questions do you have?”  The Theorists will open up and ask questions as they build theories for the future.

So, for every major section of learning-

1. The first thing to do is introduce it and then say “This is why you would want to know this”, and then give some reasons.
2. And then, give the knowledge and information – “This is what you do, this is what it looks like, and these are the key points.”
3. And then, invite your students to go away and learn/experiment with how to do it in different contexts.
4. When they come back, tell them what will happen if they use it in real situations, and invite questions and feedback.

In your presenting, by taking your audience through this simple process you are giving them experience of every learning style, and everyone in the group, whatever their learning style is satisfied.

In Summary

I’ll finish with a practical illustration-

The reasons why you need to know this are that you want your audience to be fully engaged throughout your presentation.  In the past, you may have had some people switch off, or at some point half way through ask ‘Why are we doing this?’, and it would be good to avoid such situations again, wouldn’t it?  This is why you need to know this.

What this is all about is that people have different learning styles and assimilate information in different ways.  These learning styles are generally satisfied when certain information or questions are answered.  Each of us has a preference for one of these questions.  This is what you are learning.

Think about how easily you can use this structure in your presentations and engage with all of your audience because you are answering the question they are thinking about (either consciously or unconsciously) before they have to ask it. How you will do this is by following the simple steps above.  This is how you will actually use this in a practical sense, and how you will implement these ideas into your presenting.

And what if you’re thinking, “What if I started structuring my presentations in this way?  What would be the consequences if I did this from now onwards?”  One of the consequences would be that all of your audience would have been presented with the content of your session in a format that most suited them.  As well as allowing them to assimilate the information they wanted in the way they preferred, you have helped them learn easily and given them experience of the other learning styles too.  This is what will happen if you do this.

If you need another example, go back and read the introduction again.

For more information about performance coaching, training in NLP and learning styles please contact Kim.

Email -  kim@performingexcellence.co.uk

In my experience as a performance coach and sports psychologist, one of the key areas that can affect peoples success is how well they set their goals and targets, and in particular the language they use when setting them.  When we set aims and objectives, either for ourselves or for others, how often did we use the word ‘try’?

There is a famous quote from Yoda, Luke Skywalkers’ mentor in Star Wars.

‘There is no such thing as try – just do or don’t do.’

If you think about it he’s right.  ‘Trying’ is just a concept that exists in language.  It doesn’t exist in the real world because after the event you have either done what you intended or you haven’t.

Take a moment now to think about doing something well that stretches you towards your limit in your performance (if you’re a sports person it could be something from soccer, golf, athletics, tennis, swimming, adventure sports, cycling – if you’re a musician it could be a fast run of notes or a demanding technical piece – it really doesn’t matter)-   something demanding but something you can do……    Notice any feelings and sensations you have.  It feels good doesn’t it?

Clear your mind for a minute.  What did you have for breakfast today?  Toast?  Cereal?  It doesn’t matter, but now think of trying to do the same thing that stretches you – go on, really try hard.  What’s the difference in how this feels?  Most people process ‘trying’ more negatively.  Maybe there’s some extra muscle tension there, or you associate it with effort and gritted teeth.

Above all, the word ‘trying’ introduces the possibility of failure, even if this is at an unconscious level.  And remember, when your unconscious mind has the concept of failure linked to something, you can easily get drawn towards it even if you consciously don’t want to (See the Power of Positive Language).

Since ‘trying’ is only in the mind, and is associated with difficulties, effort and permission to fail, then it would be really useful to eliminate it from our vocabulary.  So from now on, develop a Jedi mindset and ‘just do’.

Email – kim@performingexcellence.co.uk

Sports Psychologists have for a long time understood the importance of positive language.  I was out on the golf course in Newcastle recently and was watching a golfer who often misses their putt at critical moments, and yet the strokes are well within her capability.  Everything’s ok until she reaches the green.  Then, as she prepares for her stroke she say’s to herself, ‘I mustn’t miss!’, over and over again.  So what happens?  She misses.  The reason is that when she says ‘I mustn’t miss’, her mind must first think of her missing before she can think of herself not missing.

Try this for yourself – don’t think of a blue tree!  DON’T!!!

What did you think of?

It’s well known in sports psychology circles that ‘Where the attention goes the energy flows’.  That split second of thinking about missing creates a mental picture or message which her muscles act upon – so she misses off – a self fulfilling prophecy.

I was mountain biking with some friends recently who were concerned that they might hit a particular rock and crash out.  Sure enough, they concentrated on the rock and were drawn towards it like a magnet.  What happened is that their mind created a powerful image which their body acted upon.

Words are very powerful, so use this to your advantage and use positive language instead.  Notice the times you are thinking about what you don’t want instead of what you do want, and work out how you can change the thought so it expresses what you do want.

When you’re next performing, notice the times you and those around you express things negatively by saying what they don’t want to happen.  How can this be changed into a positive statement to say what they do want?  As you continue to practice this it will start to happen automatically, and if you catch yourself setting a negative goal simply ask yourself, ‘want do I want to happen instead?’

Here are some examples of negative phrases and what you might say instead.

Negative Phrase                                                    Positive Phrase

I won’t do this wrong                                            I’ll do this right

Don’t miss it                                                        Hit it

Don’t be tense                                                       Relax

This won’t stop me                                           I will keep going

Don’t worry                                                   Be confident

Don’t look down                                                   Look up

Don’t think in negatives                                        Think in positives

So now you just need to go out and practice, but don’t do it all the time, and don’t think about how much more positive your attitude will become as a result!Contact me to find out how I can help you develop your skills in positive thinking.

Email – kim@performingexcellence.co.uk